Adventures in Obvious FanFiction Plotlines
by audig
Summary: *CHAPTER 1.6 UP* An obvious plotline with a bit of an odd twist. Some slash but mostly just good, clean, off the wall, audig-is-crazy parody. AWESOME.
1. Dank Depessing Dungeons

Adventures in Obvious FanFiction Plotlines 1:1  
Going to sleep for the night, Malfoy stuck his face in his pillow and cried.  
  
(wait, too OOC.)  
  
Malfoy stuck his face in his pillow and grimaced.  
  
(there, that's more like it.)  
  
Why did he have to be such a freaking JERK all of the time? Yes, he knew that it was because of his upbringing and that he was bred to be a Death Eater, but something still struck a nerve about the way that he acted. Sure, it was funny as hell to call Granger a "Mudblood" and watch Ron get all red in the face, but there was something that just didn't seem right. He just couldn't put his finger on it though. Perhaps it had something to do with Potter...  
  
(hmmm... a bit too obviously slashy)  
  
Perhaps the look on Potter's face was what did him in... made him think that his upbringing was wrong. But why the hell would POTTER be able to get to him. Just because he was a big hero and all.  
  
Malfoy gave up. There was no point in trying to figure out what was wrong with his life because there WAS nothing wrong, right? RIGHT? Then why did he feel he was living a lie?  
  
(that wasn't a reference to slash or anything, would it be? OF COURSE FREAKING NOT.)  
  
~~THE NEXT MORNING~~  
  
(these separators just don't have the same punch anymore.)  
  
Draco woke up to the sound of Crabbe and Goyle arguing about... something.  
  
"Uh-uh, Draco would not approve."  
  
"Why does it matter is he approves?"  
  
"Because his father is Lucius, that's why!"  
  
"Oh yeah..."  
  
(what a pointless argument...)  
  
He opened his eyes slowly trying to forget his highly disturbing dream that everyone who has read fanfiction for any amount of time already knows what it's about.  
  
(wow, that was original)  
  
He faced the same sight he did every morning. Green curtains on the bunk beds, dank castle dungeon, no sunlight to be seen. All in all, it was rather depressing. But of course, that is supposedly how the Slytherins liked it. Dank and Depressing. If that isn't stereotypical I don't know what is. Wait, yes I do.  
  
He glanced in the direction of the arguement and was not surprised to realize  
  
(realise? stupid British spellings I don't know whether to use them in stories about Brits)  
  
...that his two "friends" hadn't even bothered to get out of bed. They had just woken up and started arguing. peachy.  
  
(PEACHY!?!?!)  
  
Draco yawned and stuck one foot out of bed. Crabbe and Goyle didn't even seem to notice. He walked right between them and out the door to take a shower before breakfast.  
  
~~BREAKFAST~~  
  
(again with the dividers!)  
  
Malfoy was eating toast. Goyle was telling him an enthralling story about the time when he saw a snake. Okay, so it really wasn't very enthralling. Crabbe asked him a question.  
  
"huh?" Malfoy asked distractedly.  
  
"Are you going to eat that?" Crabbe pointed at Draco's toast that was half-eaten.  
  
"No, of course not. I always eat exactly one half of a peice of toast and leave the rest for one of you two."  
  
"You do?"  
  
Malfoy sighed, put down his toast, and walked out of the Great Hall. Sarcasm just wasn't appreciated anymore. If only he had a friend who could appreciate sarcasm. He was so distracted by his thoughts of sarcasm that he slammed right into  
  
(Guess who!)  
  
...Harry Potter, who was coming down the staircase just as Draco was going up.  
  
"Watch where you're going, Malfoy." Harry said with a bit of a smirk.  
  
"Right back at you, Potter," Malfoy growled, visibly shaken for once.  
  
Potter frowned. "Seen a ghost, have we?"  
  
(guess what Malfoy says, I dare you!)  
  
"Yes." he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, forgetting his previous experience with the ironic inflection for the moment. Harry stared at him for a few moments, then burst out laughing.  
  
Malfoy was stunned.  
  
(I wonder why.)  
  
Could Harry have actually gotten his little joke? Why doesn't Draco have any friends? What the heck is going on?  
  
(Tune in next time for Adventures in Obvious FanFiction Plotlines, with me, your hostess, AUDIG.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(REVIEW!!!!) 


	2. The Drama of it All

Adventures in Obvious FanFiction Plots 1.2  
  
~~~~~  
  
Hermione glanced about the breakfast table that same fateful day. Where was Harry? Shouldn't he be there by now?  
  
(he's in the hall with Malfoy, you nitwit!)  
  
She noticed that Ron was staring at her... again. She sighed. Just because she'd gotten a makeover that summer didn't mean Ron had to start acting like an idiot.  
  
(bet you didn't see THAT coming.)  
  
Sure, she's gotten her braces off and had started wearing make-up, but it wasn't like she was a different person or anything!  
  
(ever heard that one before? I didn't think so.)  
  
Ron saw her exasperated glance and looked down at his own half-eaten toast. "Hermione?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"Would you like the rest of my toast? I'm not hungry."  
  
(why don't you give it to Crabbe and Goyle?)  
  
"No thanks Ron. Shouldn't Harry be here by now?"  
  
"Yeah... he's usually on time for breakfast."  
  
(as enlightening as this conversation is, I'm going to cut it short now.)  
  
~~~IN THE HALL~~~  
  
(gotta love the dividers!)  
  
Harry continued to laugh as Draco started at him, amazed. Finally he managed through fits of laughter, "I'm sorry... i just haven't heard any sarcasm for the longest time."  
  
(*hint, hint. wink, wink. nudge, nudge.*)  
  
Flashes of his dream from the previous night ran through Draco's head. There is no point in saying what they are as you already know anyway. If you don't know, you won't get this parody anyway, so shut up.  
  
"No way! i was just thinking the same thing this morning!"  
  
(whoa, way too valleygirl. let's try that again.)  
  
"Yes, well, out of my way Potter, or I'll make sure you never forget it!"  
  
(wow, the first in-character line yet this scene!)  
  
Harry stepped aside graciously. "No breakfast for the almighty Draco?"  
  
Draco smirked maliciously. "I already ate."  
  
(so much drama over toast! I can't take it!)  
  
And with that, Draco swept up the stairs and in the direction of the library. Harry watched him leave, astounded at the boy's ability to use sarcasm. Not that it had anything to do with his own disturbing dreams or anything. No, nothing like that. This is a FAMILY fic. right? right.  
  
Harry turned and walked into the great Hall for breakfast, but not without a silly grin on his face for unknown reasons that shall be illustrated in great detail later. maybe too much detail. I wouldn't know as it hasn't been written yet.  
  
(i'm not worried in the slightest.)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ALRIGHTY, tune in next time to Adventures in Obvious FanFiction Plots! You know that it is the awesome, don't even try to deny it!  
  
SO REVIEW YOUR BRAINS OUT M'DEARIES! 


	3. Breakfast of Champions

Adventures in Obvious FanFiction Plotlines 1.3  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Crabbe and Goyle squared off. It would be a battle of who-lost-interest-first to see who got to eat Draco's toast. Goyle already had eaten 30 donuts, and Crabbe had only had 28. It really wasn't much of a contest.  
  
(wait... who won?)  
  
(that's right, i don't care.)  
  
~GRYFFINDOR TABLE~  
  
(dividers! w00t!)  
  
Hermione saw Harry coming and stopped arguing with Ron about his toast. Where it actually ended up is a mystery, perhaps one who reads this fic managed to nab it, I wouldn't know. The reason for this is because just as Hermione caught sight of Harry walking twards them, she began formulating a list of questions to ask him.  
  
(good ol' Hermione. Always count on her to be a prick.)  
  
Harry sat down and began buttering his own toast, still with a slightly off expression on his face.  
  
Hermione, too dead set on her questioning to notice, wasted no time, "Why were you late to breakfast?"  
  
Harry shrugged, and Ron interrupted the interrogation "Say, Harry! Would you like to go for a swim after breakfast?"  
  
(don't they have class or something?)  
  
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Ron, it's like -5 degrees outside. This is England, remember? Not only do we measure in Celsius, so that's only about 20 degrees, but it gets cold in fall pretty quickly."  
  
"Right, right," Ron brushed him off distractedly.  
  
(Gee, I wonder what's up with HIM?)  
  
Harry stuffed the rest of his toast in his mouth and reached for the scrambled eggs.  
  
Hermione shot him a disapproving look. Harry dejectedly stopped reaching and finished chewing his toast. Hedwig flew over and dropped a letter in his lap.  
  
(wow. i bet we don't know who it's from or anything.)  
  
It was from Sirius.  
  
(no duh.)  
  
iHarry, how's school going for you? I'm in the neighborhood on business for Dumbledore, swing by next time you come to Hogsmeade.  
Sirius/i  
  
After showing the letter to Hermione and Ron, he ran out of the Great Hall and up to Gryffindor tower to send a response.  
  
(brace youself for the divider!)  
  
~LIBRARY~  
  
Draco stood panting in the doorway. Running all the way there had burned some major calorie-age. Now he wished he had eaten his toast.  
  
(i want some toast...)  
  
He walked over to the nearest shelf and began peering at titles. It had been a long time since Draco had needed to do some serious research, and he wasn't sure where to start for the particular thing he was looking for: how to interpret dreams.  
  
(man, i totally did not see that one coming. oh wait yes i did, i'm the author.)  
  
He started on the next row feeling a bit overwhelmed at the sheer size of the library that seemed in large need of the Dewey decimal system. Of course, Draco is supposed to think that all things muggle are inferior, so let's take that and run with it.  
  
/Wow,/ he thought, /isn't it just so pleasent walking through all these bookshelves with no direction? boy am i glad that i am not a muggle./  
  
(How does Draco know of the Dewey decimal system in the first place? some things are a mystery.)  
  
Finally he spotted a book that looked promising, i Dreams and What They Mean/i by Audi Gtzzz. Alright, so it looked a bit more than "promising," but whatever.  
  
(hey! i can write the stupid library book if i want to, it IS my story!)  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Right, well, inopportune time as it is, i'm going to end the chapter there. Why, you ask? because i suddenly have a strong yen for toast. And American toast at that, not the dried-out-bread that they eat in Britain, but the still-warm melts-your-butter toast we have here in America. Mmmmmm....)  
  
(REVIEW, DARN YOU!) 


	4. Revenge of the Parallel Subplots

Adventures in Obvious Fanfiction Plotlines 1.4  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crabbe and Goyle tired of eating toast as their stomachs resembled over-inflated baloons. It was time for class, anyway.  
  
(not like this seems to matter much to the pair.)  
  
They made their way slowly up the many flights of stairs to Professor Trelawney's classroom for Divination with the Ravenclaws, stopping frequently to catch their breath. Neither one seemed to pay much mind that the blonde boy was not with them until they reached the trap door.  
  
"Where is Draco?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
(Dude, these guys are totally the best characters ever. they eat toast.)  
  
Then, once again, all worry slipped from their minds and they returned to their original stupor.  
  
(honestly? i fail to see the point of this sub-plot in the greater context of the story.)  
  
~GRYFFINDOR TABLE~  
  
(*supresses urge to cheer because of beautiful divider thingy.*)  
  
Hermione was trying to avoid looking at Ron. He was staring again. /gee.../ she thought, /maybe this whole "new me" thing wasn't such a great idea. just look at the effect that it's having on poor Ronnie-Boy./  
  
(what's up with the weird thinking //s?)  
  
Still, she couldn't help but be flattered. It was nice to be noticed for once, even if it was by Ron. Not that there was anything wrong with Ron...  
  
(man, could that be more obvious?)  
  
Ron sighed and looked at his wizard-watch, which told him exactly where he should be at any given time. Harry had given it to him on his birthday the previous year.  
  
(do i care?)  
  
It said , "GO TO CLASS!" in big letters. He jumped up and told Hermione, who was very flustered indeed and packed up her books, which she had gotten in the habit of bringing to meals lest she have a chance to study.  
  
(wow, detail emerges in the plot. i am impressed. not really.)  
  
They ran side-by-side out the doors of the Great Hall, past the Hagrid-Meister's Hut and to Herbology, with the Hufflepuffs.  
  
(alright, i overlooked it the first time, but why do Ron and Hagrid suddenly have unprecidented nicknames?)  
  
When they reached the door to Greenhouse Three, Ron gasped to Hermione, "Where- Harry- ?"  
  
Hermione looked about her. Harry was nowhere to be seen. "Well," she pondered, catching her breath, "He went up to owl Sirius, but unless he got sidetracked, he should be here by now..." She trailed off. Harry was rarely late to class.  
  
(Hermione, come off it. You are such a prick.)  
  
(Why does this plot seem so parallel to one i just wrote? wait, Crabbe and Goyle don't know where Draco is either! i wonder if this is a coincidence... wait, this is called,"Obvious Plotlines," of course it's not a coincidence! silly audig.)  
  
~LIBRARY~  
  
(*valleygirl shriek*)  
  
Draco quickly scaned the most relavent chapter of the book he could find. Most of it seemed to be about what it means if a guy named "Vinnie" that you have never met shows up in your dream. This puzzled Draco, as he was not aware that such things were a regular occurance.  
  
(is it just me, or is the lack of toast in this chapter vaugely disturbing?)  
  
After a few minutes, he knew what his diturbing dreams meant. But first, he ate a peice of toast to calm the author. Maybe it was Ron's toast from Chapter(s) 1.2/1.3 that mysteriously vanished. Maybe not.  
  
(whew, there's a relief. Now, young Malfoy, lead us onward in this captivating plot of yours!)  
  
He carefully replaced the book on the shelf and noting that his watch was telling him to go to class, he ran out of the library and up the stairs.  
  
(3... 2... 1...)  
  
Where, for the second time that day, He ran into Harry coming down them.  
  
~GRYFFINDOR TOWER~  
  
(look mommy! it's a seperator! it signifies a change in setting!)  
  
Harry quickly strapped his reply to Sirius to Hegwig's leg. It stated when the next trip to Hogsmeade was and that they would most definately stop by.  
  
(does this whole Sirius thing have anything to do with anything yet? no? oh, okay.)  
  
He was in a hurry to get to class, when Draco slammed into him on the way up the stairs.  
  
(is there NO OTHER WAY to get those two to have a conversation? i mean, yeesh!)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oh man, you know you want more of this story. You know you do. SHUT UP IT DOES NOT SUCK. I HEART IT. IT IS HAPPY.  
  
IF YOU DON'T REVIEW, CHAINSAW AUDIG WILL GET YOU! AND THE EVIL BUTTERFLIES WILL, TOO! 


	5. Who Wants the Slushie?

Adventures in Obvious Fanfiction Plotlines 1.5  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(i wonder why the chapters are numbered in tenths...?)  
  
Draco and Malfoy stood there staring at each other for about a minute. Apparently they were dumbfounded that they could be so stupid as to run into each other twice in one day.  
  
Finally, Malfoy spoke. "For Heaven's sake, Potter, get a new prescription!"  
  
(hey, at least he didn't call him four-eyes or some other overly-used insult.)  
  
Potter muttered, "Shut up, Malfoy." and began picking up his books. Malfoy did the same. Neither of the boys noticed that Harry had one too many books in his backpack when they were done. If fact, i'm betting that a certain book on the interpretation of dreams somehow managed to find its way into Harry's possesion. Who saw that one coming? *gives points to those who raise their hands*  
  
Highly disgruntled at running into Potter, Draco went off to class anxiously wondering what to do about his new knowledge of his unconsious brain.  
  
(i'm begining to wonder if i even need to eventually explain that, being as you already know what's going on, and if you don't, you probably don't care anyway.)  
  
Potter ran off in the other direction, almost as disturbed, but not as disturbed as he would be once he read about Vinne. erm... i mean his dreams.  
  
~TRELAWNY'S ROOM~  
  
(*speaks to self* will not comment on divider, will not comment on divider...)  
  
Professor Trewlany peered at the Slytherins over her glasses quizzically. "And where is the one called Draco, you ask? Why, he is right here."  
  
Draco popped his head through the trap door and began to stammer an apology.  
  
"Now, now, no need for that dear. I know where you have been."  
  
Draco shifted uneasily and hoped that she was lying.  
  
(aw... Malfoy is uncomfortable. poor baby.)  
  
He walked over to Crabbe and Goyle and sat in between them silently while Professor Trelawny began again to mistly lead them in their lesson. Fortunately, neither of Draco's "friends" cared enough to ask about what Draco had been up to. They were hungry again.  
  
(for toast?)  
  
~GREEN HOUSE THREE~  
  
(MANG!)  
  
Harry darted in just as Professor Sprout had been demonstrating the proper way to deal with some plant or another that can shoot purple slushie at you, reminisent of the french peas in Veggietales "Josh and the Great Wall."  
  
She shot him a disappoving look as he joined Ron and Hermione along the wall. He dodged a bit of slushie as it flew past him.  
  
"How'd it go?" Ron whispered, refering to sending the letter to Sirius, which you would already know if you had been paying attention instead of being astounded at my usage of purple slushie.  
  
"Shhh!" Hermione shushed him.  
  
Professor Sprout was saying, "...They WRONG way to walk by these plants, Harry has just been kind enough to demonstrate for us. If you DON'T want to ruin your clothing, it should be done like this." She proceeded to stick her head in and out like a pigeon as she passed by the plants and over to where the famous triplet were standing. The plants seemed too stunned by how odd she looked to squirt at her and could be heard hiding very french-sounding snickers behind their leaves. They even looked like the peas.  
  
(NO! not Harry and Ron! the plants! Man you people read weird things into my story.)  
  
"Now, Harry, would you kindly explain to the class why you were late?"  
  
(he should refuse. that would amuse me. hold on, i can make him refuse, can't i! wow.)  
  
"No, i refuse." Harry said stoutly to the teacher.  
  
Professor Sprout shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever." She then walked (again pigeon-like) back to where she was previously and resumed her lesson.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``  
  
Okay, so it was a short chapter. i know what's going to happen in the next one htough, so look forward to it soon. ciao!  
  
...AND REVIEW, DARN YOU. 


	6. Drugged Stupor

Chapter 1.6 Adventures in Obvious Fanfiction Plotlines (AIOFFP:1.6)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(check the awesomeosity)  
  
The first hour of the day was finally and gratefully over. Our two main characters, who would be Harry and Draco, made their ways back to their common rooms to rest a bit before lunch. Both having had nothing but toast for breakfast, they were rather hungry.  
  
(since when is toast insufficient?)  
  
Laying his bookbag by his bed, Harry sighed and streched his arms. He hadn't been getting enough sleep lately, what with his strange dreams and all. Ron noticed his yawn.  
  
"Gee Harry, one would think you hadn't gone to bed early the past three nights."  
  
(Ron. can't get anything by that one now can you?)  
  
"Urgh, I've just been having some slight insomnia issues."  
  
"Maybe you should go she Madam Pomfrey. I'm sure she'd give you something that would..."  
  
"Maybe there just isn't a magical cure for everything!" Harry cut him off grumpily.  
  
Ron huffed slightly and then turned around and went back down to the Common Room leaving a slightly perturbed Harry in his wake.  
  
(come on, what kind of story would this be if they didn't get into some pointless fight and Hermione had to play go-between? That's right, an original one.)  
  
Harry considered, he could go down and apologize for blowing up, but then he would probably have to go to the Hospital Wing, and the last thing he wanted to have to do was explain to Madam Pomfrey about his dreams. No, it was better to let Ron huff it off and pretend nothing ever happened.  
  
The green-eyed-boy's stomach growled. Time for lunch. He went down to the common room to meet Ron and Hermione, but they had already left. Perplexed, he made his way down by himself. Perhaps he had upset Ron more than he thought.  
  
(no, really? Ronnie's a bit over-protective of the wizarding world if you hadn't noticed, Hair.)  
  
~SLYTHERIN~  
  
(oh man. oh man.)  
  
Draco and his thugs returned to their common room in kind of a drugged stupor one gets when one is locked in a room with Trelawny for too long.  
  
(i wonder how that could have happened...)  
  
"I wonder what's for lunch today." Crabbe commented.  
  
"I don't know," Goyle said, "Draco, do you know?"  
  
"No." Draco responded coldly and wished they would stop talking about food. They had actually eaten more than half a peice of toast for breakfast.  
  
(more like 30)  
  
They slouched in some easy chairs for a few minutes.  
  
(tick tock tick tock)  
  
"Okay guys, lunch time." Draco said, and they marched to the Great Hall in formation.  
  
(it would be real hot if they joined the army. marines. air force. of course. yes sir!)  
  
(if you didn't get that you can just ignore it.)  
  
~LUNCH~  
  
(*jumps up and down and runs around in circles*)  
  
Draco and Co. walked into the Great Hall right behind Hermione and Ron. Draco wondered where Harry was but didn't dwell on it lest Crabbe and Goyle notice the misty look in his eyes.  
  
(i'm gonna cry it's just so touching.)  
  
They sat at their respective tables and Harry came in about a minute later.  
  
(no. f-ing. way.)  
  
Dumbledore got up and everyone immediately shut up. "I must inform you of a small issue in the kitchens. Therefore we will have nothing but toast and purple slushie until further notice."  
  
Ron elbowed Hermione, "Have you been telling them to strike again? If i didn't know better..."  
  
(since when does Ron give lectures...?)  
  
Hermione smiled smugly and buttered her toast.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
  
Oh man, the drama.  
  
tune in sometime late july for chapter 1.7, as i am going to Spanish Camp for a month starting next week, so unless i am suddenly inspired to write sometime in the next seven days... which hey, i might be, it'll be a month.  
  
CIAO I LOVE YOU. (ESP IF YOU REVIEW)  
  
[audig] 


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